Matt & I’s parenting philosophy is one of hard work.
Meaning that we demand our daughter work for things, use her manners, and help out around the house. We’d like to think that we’re stricter than most parents, and when people tell us that we’re hard on our daughter, we take that as a compliment. Because we’re not in the business of raising someone useless to society, and we both wholeheartedly believe that if you work hard enough you can accomplish anything.
But we also try to balance that strictness with a lot of love. We reward hard work with fun experiences, quality time with mom and dad, and of course, ice cream.
I’m telling you all of this to show you that we want a better life for a daughter than we had, and we’re giving her the gift of a good work ethic so that she can have the life that she wants. We don’t have millions of dollars to give her, and we don’t have a lot of influence, but what we can give her is the desire to work hard, and the motivation to reach for her dreams.
When we hear other parents talking about the things they want to give their children, the things that they frequently mention tend to be expensive. These are things like:
- The best elementary and high school educations
- A college education
- Cars
- Help with a down payment on a home
- A great career
There is nothing wrong with wanting these things for your children. In fact, I echo these sentiments because I’ve struggled with affording many of these things. My husband and I also want these things for our daughter, but our methodology is a bit different from our friends.
We want her to accomplish these things/afford these things by herself, with no help from us, beyond the foundation we laid while she was living at home.
While she’s young, we teach her how to enjoy work, how to think critically, and other essential skills, but as Matt and I think about the future, we discovered that there are some extremely cheap and easy things we can do, financial gifts, if you will, that will help her to make the best of what we’ve taught her when she is on her own:
The Gift of A Great Credit Score
Most people find credit scores to be an incredibly frustrating thing. They are constantly changing, and while the way that they’re determined is available for anyone to see, the exact effect of a financial decision on your credit score (say, taking out a mortgage or cancelling a credit card) isn’t known until you actually do it.
{Don’t have a handle on your credit score? Here are 5 places to find it for free}
And once you’ve wrecked your credit, it can takes years to get back again.
By the same token, good credit takes years to build. One of the biggest factors is the length of credit history, during which there is nothing you can do but wait, which is why we wanted to get a jump start on building our daughter’s credit, so that if she decided to make some smart financial decisions, such as buying a home or starting a business while she is still young, she doesn’t have to worry about her credit affecting her ability to do so.
Thankfully, building your child’s credit isn’t that hard, and can be done absolutely free. Check out the full guide to building your child’s credit by subscribing to the newsletter in the left-hand column.
The Gift Of A Negative Attitude Towards Debt
We’re not completely anti-debt, but in general a healthy attitude towards debt is a negative one.
Our children are surrounded daily by advertisem*nts showing them how easy it is to obtain credit, the newest and best of everything, and the desire to own everything new and fun. It’s inevitable that children will be exposed to these pressures from a young age, even if you’re a low or no media family.
Even though the exposure to materialism is unavoidable, you as the parents can have an even larger impact on your children’s attitude towards debt so long as you’re purposeful about. Simple topics and lessons such as self-discipline, waiting and saving for toys children want, saving for the future and even more complex topics such as incorporating a debt payment into a budget, and the total interest cost over the life of a loan have a huge impact their view of debt being a positive or negative thing.
After all, those lessons taught in the most formative years are the ones that stick with children their entire lives.
The Gift Of A Logical Financial Perspective
Unfortunately, emotion tends to cloud everyone’s judgement at some point.
I don’t care if you’re male, female, old or young, we all get emotional, and often that emotion revolves around money. Teaching your children concepts like a waiting period for big purchases, doing the math to make a logical decision, and talking it over with something they trust before making a big decision are all tactics that they can take with them into adulthood.
And hopefully, those ideas will save them a lot of money, time, and stress.
The Gift Of A DIY Attitude
Yep, knowledge is great, but there is nothing wrong with working with your hands, and learning by doing. There is also something healthy about challenging yourself to do things you haven’t done before.
This extends to DIY projects, decorations and home maintenance. Sure, you could buy artwork for your home, but why not allow the younger children to finger paint (like some of these really cool ideas) and then displaying those projects proudly around the home.
Pre-built furniture is great, but why not teach older children how to safely use power tools, follow plans and instructions, and the amazing sense of accomplishment they’ll get when they do something they’re proud of.
Even with home maintenance like steam cleaning carpets, replacing light fixtures, and learning about plumbing, there are huge teaching opportunities.
All of these DIY projects vary in their degree of difficulty and the age range that is actually capable of them, but what they have in common is that each empowers your children to try and DIY things before hiring them out or purchasing something comparable – all of which will save them money when they start paying their own bills.
The Gift Of Good Grades
After a long day at work or at home with the other children, I can understand that coaxing and teaching your children through their homework is the last thing you want to do.
But maybe this will help motivate you:
Your child’s grades can determine the course of the rest of their life, setting them up for amazing successes.
I am so thankful that my parents emphasized getting excellent grades, even though I didn’t understand why at the time. Turns out, when I was applying to colleges, they pay attention to things like grades, ACT (or SAT) scores, and extracurricular activities.
In short, my grades scored me a 1/2 scholarship to a private college, enabling me to graduate with $11,000 of debt out of a total of $120,000 in total college education costs.
If that doesn’t convince you that grades are worth the effort at night, doing homework with the kids, I don’t know what will.
The Gift Of A Fallback Plan
Letting your kids see you fail (or at least struggle) with money is actually a good thing, in my opinion.
I can understand why you would want to preserve their innocence, but remember, the lessons they learn during their childhood willstay with them into their adults lives.
So struggling, coming up with a financial fallback plan, and letting your children see that is something that they will remember. And when they start to make their own way, they’ll remember your experience and hopefully adapt their finances to account for the worst financial outcome.
The Gift Of A Love of Reading + A Desire To Learn
The only constant in life is change.
…which is exactly why a love of reading and learning is so important. What you teach them now may not be relevant in 20 years, but by teaching them to educate themselves, read up on a topic they don’t know about, and then make informed decisions that steer them away from debt, towards saving/investing, and living within their means.
I don’t claim to be a parenting expert.
The reality is that I’m figuring this thing out as I go along, just like every other parent out there.
But what I do know for sure are something things my parents did right: emphasizing good grades, and a DIY attitude as well as some things I wish they would have thought about: credit and a negative attitude towards debt.
We don’t have a ton of money, but what we do have on our side is time and experience, in addition to the most important part of this: a plan.
And I truly believe that if we all start early, we can give our children these free financial gifts, with our highest hopes for them for the future.
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