As humans, we all crave emotional connection. Feeling close with people in our lives gives us a much-needed sense of love and belonging, providing us support through the ups and downs of life.
The benefits of deep attachments are surprisingly far-reaching. For one, strong connections with others can measurably improve our mental health. A study published in 2022 in The International Journal of Public Health found that greater social connection can lower your risk of developing anxiety and depression. Feeling seen and heard by another person can help lift our mental burdens, says Paige Rechtman, a licensed mental health counselor based in New York City. “Emotional connection is so important for mental health because it provides a safe space for individuals to express how they are truly feeling, both the positive and negative.”
Closeness with friends, family, or a romantic partner can also have physical health benefits. Research in The American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine found that people with strong social ties live longer and have lower risk of diabetes, lower incidence of obesity, and lower rates of death from cancer.
Of course, not all relationships lead to or are even appropriate for deep emotional connection. And depending on your life experiences, you may not be sure what healthy emotional intimacy looks like. Here’s what experts say defines positive emotional connection, plus tips for fostering it in romantic relationships, platonic friendships, and family ties.
What Is Emotional Connection?
Emotional connection isn’t something you can see or measure with scientific tools, and it can mean different things to different people. That said, certain hallmarks stand out. According to Rechtman, healthy emotional connections involve being your authentic self, feeling safe and able to be vulnerable, having a mutual sense of compassion, feeling equally supported, and enjoying your time with the other person.
Our relationships with others have a lot to do with our relationship with ourselves, says Lauren Taveras, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Phoenix, Arizona. “A person’s ability to grow emotionally close to another begins with their ability to be emotionally close to themselves — an ability which, like most things in life and relationships, has its origin in our early attachment experiences to our primary caregivers.” If you find it difficult to connect emotionally with the people in your life because of a difficult past, therapy with a licensed therapist may help.
How Does Emotional Connection Strengthen Relationships?
Ultimately, within healthy relationships, vulnerability is what draws us closer to another person. Quality relationships depend on a deep level of connection and openness. “When we’re not vulnerable in relationships, we miss out on opportunities to develop trust and intimacy by sharing emotional experiences,” says Carrie Covell, LCSW, who practices behavioral therapy in California and New York.
The ability to express yourself honestly without judgment also strengthens relationships. If both partners feel comfortable being transparent, they can process emotions with less shame and more understanding, says Rechtman. This two-way street of sharing allows both parties to develop trust. And, as research in Psychological Reports shows, trust is a significant predictor of the health of relationships, especially romantic ones.
5 Ways to Build Emotional Connection in Relationships
Whether you’d like to fortify your connection with a friend, spouse, child, or anyone else, many of the same principles apply across the board. The following strategies can deepen your relationship with any loved one.
1. Communicate Effectively
Effective communication isn’t just helpful when the going gets tough — it’s an excellent path toward deep, loving care in the everyday. Still, it’s all too easy to lose sight of others’ emotional needs in the hustle and bustle of a busy lifestyle.
This is particularly true in marriage and long-term relationships. To reconnect, make a habit of checking in on how your spouse or partner is really doing each day. Once you’ve listened, Covell recommends offering validation. “When your partner shares something with you, try listening really intently to what they have to say. Then, work out in your mind exactly how you think they came to their understanding of whatever it is they’re sharing. Now, voice to them why their reasoning makes sense.”
Other effective communication options include making time for longer conversations, such as on a date night. “It can help if every week or month or so, you sit down with your partner and lay out what’s going well, while also sharing any ways you may want to work on the relationship,” Rechtman suggests.
2. Practice the 5 Love Languages
You’ve probably heard of — and might be able to name — all five “love languages.” Famously identified by therapist Gary Chapman in his best-selling book The Five Love Languages, these include words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gifts, and acts of service.
Getting to know what makes someone feel loved, and sharing what you need, builds deep emotional connection. “‘Speaking’ your partner’s love languages will help you express and communicate your love for one another in more powerful ways,” says Taveras. This applies not only to romantic relationships, but to friendships and family connections, too. Consider how your child, best friend, or sibling best receives love, and shower them with affection accordingly.
3. Make It Fun
The good times you share with a pal or partner work on a deeper level than you might realize. Research published in 2021 in Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences found that having positive emotional experiences with another person deepened relationship bonds. If you can share a laugh, even better! A study published in 2021 in PLoS One showed that laughter can enhance social bonding.
4. Go Ahead and Be Vulnerable
Showing our real selves — the good, the bad, and the ugly—puts us in a vulnerable place. But vulnerability is essential to building meaningful connection. As you develop trust in a new relationship, Rechtman recommends slowly sharing some deep personal truths. “A sense of safety is very important when being vulnerable, so go at a pace that feels appropriate with that person,” she says.
Covell agrees that it’s smart to test the waters as you go, revealing hopes, fears, or hurts to the other person as you feel ready. “When you’ve started to trust someone new and want to get closer to them, try sharing something you haven’t previously because you’ve been worried about how you might be perceived,” she says. “Risk could lead to reward, and your friend may not only validate you, but reciprocate with a disclosure of their own.”
5. Set Healthy Boundaries
Strong emotional connection doesn’t mean unhealthy enmeshment or total dependence on another person. Instead, thriving relationships have appropriate boundaries. Even in the closest relationships, maintaining your unique sense of self allows you to have more to give.
The changing dynamics of family relationships can make it hard to set boundaries there, and they may need to shift over time. While it’s great to be close with parents or siblings into your adulthood, for example, a too-close connection could undermine more intimate relationships like between you and your partner or your own children.
Don’t worry — you can still maintain deep emotional connections, even when you’ve placed some borders on a relationship. Covell recommends identifying problematic behaviors in others and clearly communicating what you will and won’t accept. From there, as long as your boundaries are respected, you’re free to love and be loved in ways that feel good to you.
