Can your parents legally take money from you?

A: In most cases, if you are 18 years old and legally an adult, your parents do not have the right to take money that you have earned , even if they pay for your phone and related expenses.

Can my parents use my money without permission?

If the money they're taking is from a job, then that counts as stealing, and stealing from your underage child would rightly be considered child abuse . If you're over 18 or you have like a job under 18 then of course not, get your own bank account and tell the bank to not let anyone else access it.

Can my parents take my stuff that I paid for?

Regarding personal belongings like your computer and phone, if these items were purchased by you or given to you as a gift, they are your property. Your parents do not have the right to take these away from you.

Can parents take money from your paycheck?

In many states, parents may take their children's income (if the children have jobs) as long as the money is used for the appropriate well-being of the children .

Is it illegal for your parents to keep your money?

No, they cannot legally keep your money from you . To get it, you will need to file a complaint against them, probably in small claims court -- although perhaps a higher court, depending on the amount of money in the account. Suing your parents probably won't do a lot for family relations.

Can my mother withdraw money from my account?

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) says it is permissible for either person on the joint account to either remove funds or close the account without the permission of the other account holder, in most cases . Should you choose this option, you don't have to stay with the same bank.

Can I legally borrow money from my parents?

The IRS mandates that any loan between family members be made with a signed written agreement, a fixed repayment schedule, and a minimum interest rate . (The IRS publishes Applicable Federal Rates (AFRs) monthly.)

Can a parent control a child's money?

Parental Financial Abuse: It's normal for a parent to control a child's money and personal information . However, when a parent starts to take advantage of that control for their own personal benefit, it becomes abuse.

Can your parents control your money at 18?

Once your child reaches age 18, you can no longer make decisions for them, even if they're incapacitated, unless they have signed a health care proxy . Similarly, a durable power of attorney authorizes you to manage your child's finances in the event that they are unable to make decisions themselves.

Can parents take money out of their child's bank account?

If you're the custodian, you have full signatory rights and access to the savings account . You also can review and approve all changes, deposits, withdrawals, and other account activities.

I'm on the Family Payroll? Should You Accept Money From In-Laws? (2024)

The anniversary of when I squeezed out of my mom rolled around and somehow on paper, I’m more than a quarter of a century old. Black magic.

Someone just ends it all right now, it’s all downhill from here. (No offense :P)

LOL. I’m kidding! Actually, to be totally honest, only when I turned 25 did I feel a bit of age anxiety.

I'm on the Family Payroll? Should You Accept Money From In-Laws? (1)

Ina lot of surveys, they clump the age groups in this way:

19-24
25-29
30-34

So I was basically 24 turning 29.Turning 26 has no significant numerical milestone attached so I’m OK. I’m still 25-29. I would devote my time to protesting that 25 should not be categorized with 29 but by the time I’m done – I’ll be lucky to be 29 and I wouldn’t mind being grouped with 25-year-olds.Hubby’s going to be 30-34 in 6 months, let’s see if he freaks out like I did because he poked fun of my age theory before. He’s actually freaking out already muahahaha.

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Table of Contents

Birthday Gifts This Year

My husband gave me a bag of potting soil for my last birthday (and I was hoping for it again because we’re running low) but this year he gave me 3 bags of kettle chips.

I'm on the Family Payroll? Should You Accept Money From In-Laws? (2)

I'm on the Family Payroll? Should You Accept Money From In-Laws? (3)

My dad brought me a Subway sandwich and it paired perfectly with the kettle chips. Nice!

I received 4-packs of underwear, some candy and a Chinese red money envelope with a $100 bucks in it from my mom.

Great birthday! (Haha, as you can see, we’re casual with birthdays here.)

The Real Surprise!

What I was not expecting was my husband’s parents sending me anything. We confessed to them over Christmas that we got married “in secret” and I’m still a little suspicious that they would resent me for not celebrating it in a traditional church with the rest Hubby’s family.

What can I say? We’re very lazy, socially introverted people.

We spent $30 on our wedding feast at a fast-food restaurant because we had coupons and it was on the way home from the courthouse.

I'm on the Family Payroll? Should You Accept Money From In-Laws? (4)

I’m On The Family Payroll Now?

Thanks! Wow, American families are so nice.

But why? It’s really weird, sweet, weird, different, awkward, unexpected, sweet and weird.

Are there strings attached? Thanks for the sweet card and the sweet words and the sweet cash but why are you giving stranger / new-daughter-in-law money?

I'm on the Family Payroll? Should You Accept Money From In-Laws? (5)

Like yeah, I’m legally part of the family, but it’s not by blood or even long enough history.

You can’t just give stranger money. I would not personally do that.

If I had a kid and my kid got married, I would give my money to MY kid. Not the spouse.

I don’t own or owe that person anything. They could be divorced in 10 years. I would give them money as couple combo deal but that’s after children (my grandchildren).

Only once there is blood, OK, now we’re officially all family.

No blood, no money. #SuperChinese

My husband thinks I’m overthinking everything.

Maybe.

But it does lead me to a money and marriage dilemma: should a spouse take the money and/or gifts from in-laws?

Taking Money from Parents

The biggest concerns with taking money from my own parents is a simple case of pride. When Hubby and I were buying our first house, my mom offered us $20,000 to help with the down payment. We chose to not accept the money…so naturally, she mailed us a check for $20,000 anyway. But that’s expected. I think it’s an Asian thing – everything comes like it or not. My to-do list for my mom goes to graduation, house, grandbaby. By any means necessary.

We cashed the check and then we put it in the bank. Due to China’s One-Child policy, I’m her only offspring. That money was “mine” pretty much, just like anything else be it feast or famine in the future.

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Taking Money from In-laws

Is taking money from the spouse’s parents a good idea?

Personally, I think it’s weird for the in-laws to give money to just one of the spouses.

But that’s just what Hubby’s family did. My mom wouldn’t give my husband money. She thinks like me – if you’re going to give them money, it has to be for both of us. Not just to me or to him.

Hub’s family is totally different (like much sweeter :P)

They see me as (holy cr*phow are you people so nice) a part of the family.

That money was for me, just me! Awww. Such cultural dissimilarities!

Generally Speaking…

Taking money from parents for a milestone, yes it’s OK. At the end of the day, that’s their money and they have decided to gift it to you because they care about you. Don’t fuss about it.

Taking money from in-laws for a milestone, yes it’s OK. At the end of the day, that’s their money and they have decided to gift it to you because they care about you. Don’t fuss about it.

Oh my God, did you read that? It’s the same! 🙂 It’s not always that simple but in most cases, yay lucky ducky – I’ll take it!

But when the gifts come with caveats. There are different breakdowns for that.

Some Questions You Should Ask:

#1 Are there strings attached?

Don’t get me wrong here. I think the subject is completely different if there were strings attached to accepting the money. If there was no occasion or milestone, I would be extremely suspicious and try to work it from a cautious point.

Case Study: A former friend of mine who has children was under a lot of financial pressure and accepted her mom’s invitation to live at her house until she could get back on her own feet. During that time, her mother brought her food, cribs, lamps, everything totaling $14,000+ but that was so she could also have the authority to control her grandchild and have full say in the parenting. Obviously, it was incredibly counter-productive and it erodes trust to sneak those terms in as a fine print.

#2 How bad are the terms?

We called hubby’s parents on the phone yesterday to thank them for the birthday card and they hinted the money should be spent instead of saved.

Hubby’s dad quipped at me, “you know why they’re in a bunch of $20s? Because 20s are easier to spend.”

Gee, how did they know I was just going to be boring and throw it in the bank otherwise? 😉It’s sort of astring. Hey, if they want me to blow it, yes sir! Consider it DONE. –crawl over to eBay–

But if my mom gave me that $20K so she can get a say in naming our first-born someday then she has to recalculate again to the tune of $2 million. Hey, I’m being practical here. It’s money we’re talking about here right? Leave the emotions and make it a good sale. Names are super important.

#3 Recap your finances.

So what are your financial values and goals? Financial goals can be anything short-term to anything long-term but when it comes to mixing money with family I consider it a wise move to consider long term goals. Look at my own finances to weigh the pros and cons – preferably long-term pro and long-term cons! Because the same stunt can be pulled on something like this down the road so tread carefully. Family is a long engagement.

#4 Recap their finances (if available.)

I was also not very comfortable with taking my mom’s money because they simply don’t have a lot of it. Their frugality generates savings at a very slow rate. They do not take advantage of credit cards, they do not invest and they leave pockets of cash hidden all around the house. In the end, one huge pro for taking their $20K check was simply we get to move the money and have it work for us. My parents don’t believe in investing. They’re really old school. There’s probably $30K stuffed into their mattress. I’m not exaggerating. My Chinatown friend’s mom had $60K stuffed into their 15-year-old mattress.

#5 How frequent is this going to be?

When we go out to eat, it’s always Hubby’s parents who treat us and we can’t even get in a bill. Thankfully, we only go out with his parents a few times a year so it’s fine if they are keen on flipping the bill. The problem is if we dined out with them every week since that adds up quick. If it’s a healthy interval with very little strings attached (they just want to spend time with us) I would let them. They’re retired and comfortable so it’s a token of care.

#6 How generous is this?

Birthdays, house buying and weddings are proper chances to be generous.Hub’s parents gave us a check for our honeymoon after they found out we wedded. If they gave us that money for no special occasion and no one won the lottery then I wouldn’t touch that money with a 10 foot pole.

#7 Communicate!

I remember when Hub’s dad gave us the check, the first thing I did was grab it and waved it in his face and said “no-no, you have to take it back. We can’t take this.” At the time I was so shocked at the gesture I forgot that it was pretty rude to reject a gift. Usually,gifts are coming from a good place, and loved ones can be sensitive about having their generosity rejected. If there are no big strings attached, just accept their support (anddon’tmention later that you didn’t ask for it – that’s a pending fight).

Eh…I haven’t had much success with rejecting gifts as you can see. My mom won’t listen and Hub’s dad found our protest amusing (just feeding the family prankster.) If there are strings attached the best thing is to have an open communication…on the phone if you’re chicken like me. Be direct and ask if there are strings attached – reaffirm it’s a gift.

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My Two-Cents

So I’m starting to understand this now. It’s OK to take money from in-laws for special occasions because you’re a part of the family now. They’re not strangers, they were strangers, now it’s family! Take the gift, be extremely grateful and let yourself be accepted because that was their money and their choice. They want to see you happy.

I need to hint to my parents to give Hubby some red pocket money since it won’t happen on its own. I still think it’s weird but that might be a conditioned reaction from an old school Chinese family. My husband just makes fun of me, “haha, told you my parents like you.”

I can accept that – I don’t fully understand the thinking behind it but I can accept that they’re nice people. Man…you know that took me 2 days of thinking to conclude to that? I hope this post saved you some time.

Someone out there wants to give you money and it’s not because of blood but because they’re just nice people who appreciate you as an addition to the family. #boom!

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