career
By Alison Green, the Cut’s workplace-advice columnist who has run her own career-advice website, Ask a Manager, for 15 years. Green is the author of Ask a Manager: How to Navigate Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work and Managing to Change the World: The Nonprofit Manager’s Guide to Getting Results.
Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images
Every December my inbox fills up with questions about how to navigate holiday gift-giving at work: Are you expected to give your report a gift? What about your boss? How should you handle pressure from colleagues to chip in for group presents, and is there a graceful way to stop giving gifts when you’ve given them in previous years? We’ve got the answers to those and more, below.
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‘Should I give my boss a gift?’
My current boss is the best manager I’ve ever had. She’s supportive, kind, interested in my professional development, and a fantastic mentor. Would it be inappropriate for me to buy her a gift for the holidays? I wasn’t in this job last December so I don’t know if that’s something people typically do here or not.
Don’t do it!The etiquette for giving gifts at work is that they can flow downward (meaning a boss can give their employees gifts) but not upward (so employees should not give gifts to their managers). That’s because of the power dynamics atplay.Otherwise, an employee might feel pressured to purchase presents for the person responsible for their employment, and it’s not okay formanagers to benefit from the relationship inthat way.
A holidaycard, though, is a lovely gesture, especially if you include a note about why you appreciate working with her.
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‘My boss wants an expensive gift!’
The company I work for has 12 employees. Every year, the ownerasks our manager to go around andcollect $60 from each person to then get apresent for her. Around this time, she always makescomments about thetype of jewelry she likes or a new watch she’s seen.
I have kindly let them know that it is not in mybudget this year as my spouse changed jobs amonth ago and times aretight. When I told them that, they said that participation is mandatory and no one isallowed to opt out. I simply don’t have the $60. My spouse and Iaren’t even exchanging giftsthis year. Am I causing drama for no reason,or is $60 a lot to ask of an employee?
Your company’s owner is a terrible person, and whoever istrying to make this mandatory is out of theirgourd. Frankly, even insisting on$5 donations for a gift for the boss would be out of line — butdemanding $60from someone who says it’s out of their budget is a whole new level of awful.
How firmly have you said “no”? If you soft-pedaled it in aneffort to be polite, be more direct: “Ido not have the money togive. I’m not even exchanging gifts with my spouse this year. It’s not possiblefor me to come up with money that I don’t have.” You might also consider broaching the subject with your co-workers, seeing if they’re annoyed by this, too, andif so,pushing back as a group. This kind of practice is harder tomaintain when abunch of employees speak up and say, “We’re not okay with this.”
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‘How can I stop giving gifts this year if I’ve always given them previously?’
Every year that I have been a manager, I’ve given each of my team members a holiday gift. I have 15 direct reports, and in the past I’ve spent around $20 to 25 per person, sometimes on gift cards, other times on things like a Rocketbook notebook, an Echo Dot, etc. However, my financial situation took a hit this year and gifting my team isn’t within my budget right now. How do I gracefully not give a gift? Some team members have been with me for years and will expect one.
Can you switch to bringing in baked goods for the whole team? Bring a festive tray of cookies (or whatever you know your team would enjoy) into the office and give each team member a handwritten card to each person? Include a note about what you appreciated about that person’s work this year or what you like about working with them in general. A lot of people will prefer that to any small material gift you could give anyway.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation of your financial situation. And because these gifts were coming from you personally (as opposed to, say, a holiday bonus coming from the company), you don’t need to warn people your practice will be changing.
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‘My company givesterrible gifts.’
Every year, my company (with around 70 employees) picks outone corporate gift and sends it to allof us. Every year, it is terrible. Oneyear they delivered hams to our homes, despite us having a fairnumber ofvegetarians and Muslims on staff. One year they sent us all branded hoodies,whichwould have been fine except that they seem to have just guessed atpeople’s sizes (which is alreadyweird, right?) and got them really wrong in alot of cases. Mine would probably fit my toddler, but itdoesn’t fit me. Another year they sent us all giftcertificates for a restaurant that was far away from where most of us live. I’drather receive nothingthan these vaguely insulting gifts that seem to indicateno care went into picking them. Is it worthsaying something, or is it rude tocomplain?
It’s rude to complain about a gift given in asocialsituation,but this is work, and the rules aredifferent. Your leadership is sending gifts inthe hope that it will increase staff morale and make peoplefeel more connectedto the company. If they’re failing at that (or, as is the case here, achievingtheopposite), it’s useful for them to know.
So yes, if you have some political capital to spend, speakup to whoever coordinates the gifts! You’d bedoing the company a favor, andyou could probably find co-workers who would be willing to speak upwith you.Start by acknowledging that it’s hard, if not impossible, to find a gift that70 people will alllove. Then let them know that they’ve been sending giftsthat are unused by a disproportionatenumber of your staff and ask if they’dtake feedback about what gifts would be most appreciated thisyear. (But ifthey don’t budge, please write back and share what they end up sending thisyear, becauseI am eager to know what they come up with next.)
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‘My co-worker gives me a gift every year – should I be reciprocating?’
I work on a small team where everyone is pretty friendly.Usually for the holidays, my co-workersand I exchange cards or leave bakedgoods in the kitchen for people to share. But one of my co-workers gives me agift every year. It’s nothing extravagant — a candle one year, a book shethoughtI’d like another, and so forth. But I’m feeling awkward that I’ve neverreciprocated. Honestly, I’dprefer not to! I have a small gift-buying budgetthat I’d rather spend on my family, and I don’t wantto encourage theexpectation that we’ll all give each other gifts. But now that it’s clear she’sgoing togive me something every year, am I being rude by not returning thegesture?
Some people give gifts to co-workers, and some people don’t,and you don’t need to feel obligated tocross over to the gifting side if youdon’t want to. It sounds like this has gone on for long enough forher to seethe pattern and stop if she objects to being the only one offering a gift; shehasn’t, so I’dassume she simply derives joy from continuing to do it. Asincere “thank you” is all that’s required.
That said, if you feel awkward about not reciprocatingwithsomething, a card with a warm note insideis a good middleground.
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‘Is it appropriate to give my intern a gift?’
I have a graduate-level intern whose placement is requiredfor her degree. She works directly withme. When I didrequired internships at both the B.A. and M.A. level, I received anything fromsmall giftcards ($5 to $10) to the same holiday bonus as the full-time staff(a $100 check from the company).Is gifting to someone who is technicallyyour “student” appropriate? I’m thinking about going the $5to $10 Amazon,Starbucks, or Target gift-card route, but what are your thoughts?
A small gift card is a great giftifyoumake sure you know she likes the place it’s for. Every year I getletters frompeople who are mildly annoyed at receiving gift cards to restaurants that onlyexist twostates away from where they live, or for coffee when they only drinktea, or other evidence that a giftwas given without much personal thought.
Also, keep in mind that the $100 check you received was abonus that came from thecompany, notfrom your manager personally.People don’t expect extravagant gifts from their managers, even if thecompanyitself goes a more luxe route. And frankly, managers don’tneedtogive their staff gifts at all,thoughit’s a thoughtful gesture if you choose to.
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website,Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Emailaskaboss@nymag.com(and read our submission termshere.)
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As a seasoned professional with extensive expertise in workplace dynamics and etiquette, I understand the intricacies of office interactions, particularly during the holiday season. Over the years, I've encountered and successfully navigated a myriad of workplace scenarios, providing advice and insights based on practical experience.
In the article by Alison Green, the Cut's workplace-advice columnist, various aspects of workplace gift-giving etiquette are discussed. Here's an analysis of the key concepts addressed in the article:
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Giving Gifts to Your Boss:
- The article emphasizes that, generally, employees should not give gifts to their managers. This recommendation is grounded in the power dynamics at play in the employer-employee relationship. The rationale is that employees may feel pressured to purchase presents for those responsible for their employment.
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Handling Requests for Expensive Gifts:
- The article discusses a scenario where an employee is pressured to contribute $60 for a gift for the boss. It highlights that demanding such a significant amount is inappropriate, and the employee is encouraged to assertively communicate their financial constraints. The suggestion is to be direct in expressing the inability to contribute.
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Ceasing Gift-Giving Traditions:
- The article provides advice to a manager who, due to financial constraints, is unable to continue the tradition of giving holiday gifts to their team. The recommendation is to consider alternative gestures such as bringing in baked goods and writing personalized notes to express appreciation.
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Company-Provided Gifts:
- The article addresses the challenge of companies providing gifts that may not be well-received by employees. It suggests that, in a work context, it is appropriate to provide feedback on the gifts to help the company understand employee preferences and improve morale.
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Reciprocating Co-Worker Gifts:
- The article acknowledges the practice of co-workers exchanging gifts and the dilemma of reciprocating. It emphasizes that while sincere gratitude is essential, reciprocation is not mandatory, and a warm note can serve as a thoughtful response.
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Giving Gifts to Interns:
- The article explores the appropriateness of giving gifts to interns, emphasizing that thoughtful consideration of the intern's preferences is crucial. It also notes that while managers are not obligated to give gifts, a small, personalized gesture is appreciated.
In conclusion, the article provides nuanced advice on navigating various holiday gift-giving scenarios in the workplace, drawing on principles of etiquette, professionalism, and sensitivity to individual circ*mstances.
