This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact (2024)

This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact (1)

How does the “Dumper” feel during No Contact?

What psychological effect does this have on them?

Why do we even want to know?

The answer is, of course, because we secretly hope that they realize that they’ve made a terrible mistake, contact us, and get back together with us again.

But is this the real reason we went No Contact in the first place?

No.

At least, it shouldn’t be.

But these questions are legit, as the answers can enable us to counteract possible contact attempts by our Ex.

Going No Contact with an Ex may very well push their buttons.

Still thinking about your Ex?Click here to take the test to learn how long it takes to heal... and how you can speed up the process.

The Psychology Behind No Contact

The real purpose of the No Contact Rule is to get YOURSELF back … not your Ex.

While most people already know how important the rule is for their recovery, they nonetheless look for loopholes to break it.

The truth is — and I’ve been preaching this for over 12 years — that following the rule is an essential precondition to healing from a breakup or divorce.

The problem with this rule is that we do not recognize its necessity right at the beginning of the breakup. We only begin to understand after we’ve had bad experiences with “being friends” with them.

Why do we aspire to stay friends with our Exes, even though we sense that it’s bad for us?

(MORE: No Contact Rule After a Breakup: The Definitive Guide)

Let’s examine this further by looking at the psychological effect No Contact has on “Dumpers” and “Dumpees” :

1. Psychology of the “Dumpee”

This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact (2)

The Dumpee wants to stay friends for the obvious reason:

They don’t want to lose their Ex.

If they can’t be with them as romantic partners, then why not as friends? This way, they'll be still around.

The secret (often subconscious) hope is that they can turn everything around and get back together again.

If this is your motivation, then I’m sorry, I have BAD news for you:

It doesn’t work this way.

You really don’t want this, for various reasons:

  • The Dumpers WILL treat you as a friend! Are you really prepared for that?
  • They may take advantage of you for occasional sex without commitment (this is especially the case for male Dumpers).
  • You will have expectations they certainly can’t fulfill: You love them, but your Ex doesn’t return the feeling.
  • You will continuously be looking for “signs” that there is still a chance (this will destroy you in the long run).
  • It will prolong, if not prevent, your healing.

Let’s take a look at the Dumper. Why would they want to stay friends or still in contact?

2. Psychology of the “Dumper”

This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact (3)

The Dumper will test your determination.

The Dumper wants to stay friends for nearly the same reasons as the Dumpee, only their motivation is different:

  • They often want you around because they also don’t want to lose you.
  • They want you as a safe fallback if something goes wrong in their lives (if their new girl/boyfriend dumps them unexpectedly).
  • Some want you for occasional sex.
  • They want to make it “easier for you” (which, of course, backfires).
  • They want to be around to “help” you.

Cutting off contact with the Dumper often triggers a “reaction,” because it means that the Dumpee takes back their power. They are signaling that they don’t want to be dependent anymore.

Some Dumpers don’t like that and will make an attempt to get their power over them back.

This is the reason Dumpers eventually contact the Dumpee.

They are merely testing you.

But let me be clear: This is NOT what you want.

Their newly found interest for you is NOT genuine.

One of the most important prerequisites for the No Contact Rule to work is to not fall for their games of power.

What You Should Do

The best thing a Dumper can do for the Dumpee is to help them follow the No Contact Rule by proposing (and enforcing) it themselves.

It’s easier for them, anyway (because they already separated themselves emotionally during the relationship), and it will help the Dumpee a great deal.

It may be perceived as cruel and cold, but you are following an ulterior motive that will help them in the long run.

If you are the Dumpee, then make it clear to yourself that you don’t need another talk, you don’t need closure — all you need to do is accept that it’s over.

MORE: How to Get Over a Breakup: 3 Proven Secrets That Worked for Me

You will go through the different breakup stages much quicker and eventually learn all the reasons that lead to the breakup.

This, of course, hurts like hell, but ultimately, it’s better and easier for both parties.

Think about this.

Maybe for you, it’s necessary to make YOUR own experiences; perhaps you will have to learn the hard way which choice is the better one — we often learn better by making mistakes.

Either way, I don’t want you to beat yourself up.

See the decision of going No Contact with your Ex as a milestone on your way to independence and happiness. It's a path that will be bumpy at times, but ultimately, you will be proud of yourself because you’ve made it!

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact (2024)

FAQs

This Is How the Dumper Feels During No Contact? ›

Grief during the no contact rule may lead to ambivalence and mixed emotions. The dumper may oscillate between moments of conviction in their decision and waves of nostalgia or sadness.

What your ex is feeling during no contact? ›

Loneliness. You were your ex's companion through the difficulties of life. I don't care how strong their support system is, now that you're gone, they're going to feel lonely. This loneliness feels like a big empty spot inside them, like something important is missing from their life.

Does the dumper miss you during no contact? ›

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting. For others, all consuming.

How long does it take for no contact to work on the dumper? ›

1 For an amicable breakup: around 30 days. 2 For a long-term relationship: at least 60 days. 3 If things got ugly at the end: roughly 90 days.

How does the dumper feel after 1 month? ›

The way a dumper feels after a month of no contact is that they'll usually still be stuck in the “separation elation” phase. Don't fear though, the bell will toll as the depressive episode is just around the corner.

How does a dumper feel during no contact? ›

The absence of contact can evoke emotional turmoil. The male dumper may experience a mix of guilt, loneliness, and uncertainty about the decision made. The emotional impact encourages self-reflection and growth.

What is he thinking after 4 weeks of no contact? ›

After weeks of no word, he might begin to panic about losing you. He's been hoping and hoping you'll talk to him, but now he's realizing he'll be a permanent ex if he doesn't do something. He'll reflect deeply and, if he wants you back, make a plan to win you over.

Will the dumper think about you? ›

It's unlikely that an ex will forget about you, even if you don't communicate with them after the breakup. Relationships tend to make a large emotional impact on both people involved, so it's likely your ex will remember you and the relationship even after the breakup. Do exes miss you?

Does no contact bring the dumper back? ›

Depends. Everyone is different, just as every relationship is different - there's no one way a 'dumper' will feel and only after two weeks of 'no contact', despite how they feel about you. In a general sense, the 'dumper' could miss certain things, but not enough to reverse their choice.

What does ignoring a dumper do? ›

Ignoring the person who dumped you can cause them to wonder if they were wrong about the breakup. They may feel like they want to be in a relationship with you again and reach out to you even when you are ignoring them. So, if your goal is to get back together, ignoring them just might do the trick.

Who should break no contact first? ›

Let your ex be the first one to break the no contact rule, especially if you're following it to try and get them back. It's easy to fall into a pattern of worrying about what other people think, but if reaching out to your ex and breaking the no contact rule is what's best for you, do it.

How to stay strong during no contact? ›

Here are a few tips to help you to maintain your distance.
  1. Write a letter to yourself. ...
  2. Give yourself room to grieve. ...
  3. Make a list of every terrible thing your partner ever did. ...
  4. Start a self-care list. ...
  5. Have a breakup buddy. ...
  6. Work on yourself. ...
  7. Start a new hobby. ...
  8. Give yourself some structure.
Sep 25, 2022

What is she thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? ›

She will wonder if you're thinking about her or if you're taking time to reflect upon your role in the breakup. She will also wonder if you ever really loved her or are missing her. During this time, she'll have a deep sense of confusion as she tries to decide whether breaking up was right.

What makes a dumper regret? ›

As the reality of the breakup sets in, dumpers may find themselves grappling with loneliness and a sense of isolation. The absence of a familiar connection can trigger feelings of emptiness. Dumpers Remorse often intensifies as the dumper reflects on the positive aspects of the relationship they left behind.

How do you know if dumper still loves you? ›

Pay attention to how often your ex contacts you or likes your posts on social media. If your ex keeps calling and texting you or starts showing up at your favorite places, they may still like you. When you see your ex, take note of any open body language like touching your arm while talking.

Do dumpers stalk their ex? ›

Dumpers stalk their ex for a variety of reasons. In general, stalking behavior is often driven by emotional issues. This could include insecurity, obsession, or an inability to let go of the relationship.

What does no contact do with an ex? ›

The no-contact rule serves as a vital tool for post-breakup healing by allowing individuals to step back and process their emotions without the interference of ongoing communication. It allows for a shift in perspective, fostering a realistic view of the ex-partner, beyond the romanticized one.

How do you know if your ex is missing you during no contact? ›

17 signs your ex misses you during no-contact
  • He now spends excessive time online. ...
  • He tries “too hard” to flirt with other girls. ...
  • He's paying extra attention to his looks. ...
  • You feel strong energy around you. ...
  • You've been running into each other a lot. ...
  • You've stopped seeing him around.
Oct 30, 2023

What are the stages your ex goes through during no contact? ›

During the no contact period, the ex-partner usually experiences a journey through five stages - Relief, Worry, Anger, Worry/Nostalgia, and Regret. These stages reflect their reactions to the shifting power dynamics. It is important to note that these "stages" are mere simplifications of the underlying psychology.

What happens if your ex contacts during no contact? ›

Simply act normal, give them the information they need and make arrangements to settle this business as quickly and as smoothly as possible. Again, don't get drawn into more conversation and don't use it as an opportunity to talk to your ex about anything outside of the business at hand.

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