It used to be that some people would use the phrase ‘you know’ at the end of sentences, as a method to connect thoughts (which was mentally draining enough to keep up and or ignore). ‘You know’ appears to have been replaced by the more venerable or cultured ‘right.’
As it turns out, COVID 19 is not the only pandemic sweeping the nation currently; ‘right?’ has somehow attached itself to any business conversation I’m involved in these days as some sort of condensing, parasitic leech, sucking any authority out of the person I’m listening to. I’ve seen this creep in overtime but the recent abundance of ‘live’ connectivity through programs like Zoom has made this a constant.
In my most recent encounter, it was more like a ‘right’ tennis match between the two executives hosting our Zoom meeting, than a conversation at all. The word was tossed back and forth between them. It took my focused attention away from the value I was looking for in the meeting, to thinking about when men called other men ‘dudes’ so much that the group Scatterbrain wrote a song called ‘don’t call me dude’.
This was not normal behavior, and was I going to have to write a song to get my point across?
If you can move past the frustration, it gets kind of funny to listen to adults speak this way to each other.
I have found that when people end a sentence with the word ‘right,’ they are, in fact, not asking a question at all, nor are they actively seeking acquiescence or agreement from the listener. When they say ‘right?’ they are implying to the listener that what they are saying is not only obviously correct but that the listener already understands and is already in agreement with them.
What?
To understand this a little more you need to know that this is because the speaker rarely pauses before moving on to the next sentence or thought. It is both a rhetorical and disingenuous verbal crutch that can be seriously alienating.
I suspect that this speaking technique may have possibly developed as a result of the proliferation of ‘self enabled’ live social media broadcasts and podcasts. Many people who perform using these platforms are not engaged in conversation or debate. They are engaged in lectures or in complex, extended statements in order to elucidate their knowledge about a subject. They are in an authoritative, superior, erudite position in which they are bestowing their unique perspectives and knowledge upon the masses.
Many speakers using these formats rhetorically use the word ‘right’ very frequently. In response, listeners adapt their ideas and then want to be included in an exclusive club. They want to be the educated and evolved speaker in social circles, just like the person in the podcast is. So, they may subconsciously appropriate the language of the speakers as well.
Next time you are on an extended presentation over a Zoom meeting, if there is a dominant ‘right’ person, listen to how others might begin to mimic the persevered dominant language.
Don’t fall into the ‘self-proclaimed’ dominance trap. The use of the dominant language may not be intentional but it changes the dynamics of the conversation.
Now more than ever we are looking for engagement, value, mindfulness, and meaningfulness in relationships. Let’s all try and commit to communicating ‘with’ someone and not ‘at’ them.
Right?
[Update - March 2023]
This article (and subject) has continued to gain a lot of traction so much so that you have probably found this article via a Google search. There are not too many that would question themselves, then take the time to learn about the questioned behavior. It's an interesting topic and I'm glad we are talking about it.
Much of this can be tied to ‘herd mentality’. Herd mentalitydescribes how people can be influenced by the majority and it more often than not starts with a single person. The individual's confidence plays a major part.
Researchers atLeeds Universityperformed a group experiment in which volunteers were told to randomly walk around a large hall without talking to each other. A select few were then given more detailed instructions on where to walk. The scientists discovered that people end up blindly following one or two instructed people who appear to know where they are going. The results of this experiment showed that it only takes 5% of confident looking and instructed people to influence the direction of the other 95% of people in the crowd, and the 200 volunteers did this without even realizing it.
If you translate these findings to a conversation on a zoom call, you can find patterns in our communication behavior beyond a single word like ‘Right?’. If the authoritative figure, is using certain language or behavior, others tend to follow.
Then multiply that by the number of conversations and interactions with the same people. The behavior takes hold and we unwillingly start to demonstrate that behavior outside of our inner circle.
This can be as simple as taking a sip of coffee, while others have their cup hidden. As we become comfortable with the behavior, we tend to adopt it and we all end up drinking coffee on screen.
