The Premier League is home to some of the most high-calibre football players in the world, so it seems impossible to imagine that if you ever had a baby it could ever grow up to be part of such a group, right?
Wrong.
We’ve done the hard work for you and crunched the 536 players from the 20 teams who were part of the 2017-18 Premier League season to increase the odds that your youngster makes it to the top of English football. Following our research, you can take the necessary steps to get your baby on the path to football stardom.
Disclaimer:Just putting it out there that we can't guarantee your offspring will definitely become a footballer.
When to have your baby
Now this might take some planning, but, ideally, the future apple-of-your-eye will be born on 28 May, the birthday which produces the most Premier League footballers. Five footballers are lucky enough to have entered the world on this day, and if your baby does too, then they'd better get used to sharing attention. That's because three of these players are in the same team. Which means that, once a year, Phil Foden, John Stones and Kyle Walker have to share a caterpillar cake in the Manchester City changing room.
To all those that don’t quite achieve that, fret not: the 15th of the month produces the most top players, January is the most common month, and Wednesday is, by far, the most popular day of the week to be born on.
So these all make fantastic back-up methods to get your child into England's top football tier.
How to dress your baby
Top tip: buy them big clothes to encourage them to grow into them. Premier League players have an average height of 182.9cm (about 6ft), 7.6cm more than the UK national average. So start looking for those slightly longer babygros, stay optimistic, and you too could have your own 201cm (6ft 7in) son, as Mr and Mrs Crouch did. Feed the baby and he will score (possibly).
Height isn't everything though: they can be as short as 161cm (a trifle shy of 5ft 3in), like Manchester United's beautifully named Angel Gomes. Also, it can’t hurt to stick the lucky number seven on the back of your baby's clothes, as it’s the most widely worn shirt number in the Premier League with nearly 4% of players opting for it.
iStock/BBC Three
Where to raise your baby
Good news for all parents living in London– you don’t have to move. This is the city that has produced the most current English Premier League players, with 2.8% of players coming from here. Runners-up include Liverpool (1.3%), Birmingham (1.3%), Manchester (1.1%) and Sheffield (0.9%), with smaller places like Bath (0.6%), Chester (0.6%) and Stockport (0.9%) also in the mix.
Despite the stick the Premier League gets for not having enough home-grown talent on the pitch, 36.8% of players are English-born, but other UK territories may need to consider a move to make it, with only 1.5% of players being Welsh-born, 1.7% Scottish-born, and 1.1% from Northern Ireland.
Parents from further afield are not out of the running, however: the most Premier League-friendly foreign countries are France, the Netherlands, Germany, and Spain, with the capital of Senegal, Dakar, and Amsterdam being the most popular international cities to produce Premier League players.
What to name your baby
Finally, what are the top names to give your baby the best odds of playing in the Premier League?
Well, the most common first name in football’s top league is Daniel, the most common middle name is James, and the most common surname is Silva (sometimes proceeded with 'da').
iStock/BBC Three
Daniel James (da) Silva it is.
Hyphenating your offspring's name won’t do them many favours in the Premier League, as only 2.3% of forenames and 3.3% of surnames are double-barrelled.
Middle names are very much an optional extra, with most players having just one, followed very closely by none, and five of football’s top talents having three middle names, including Brighton's wonderfully named midfielder David Petrus Wenceslaus Henri Propper.
To summarise
Statistically, you should give birth to Daniel James Silva on 28 May in London, with your extra-long baby clothes at the ready. This may seem unnecessary and over the top, but this is science talking, not us. Of course, enrolling your child in football lessons might help, too...
RESEARCH SOURCED FROM 2017-18 PREMIER LEAGUE SEASON
This article was originally published on 7 August 2018.
